Back to the Present

a= Past b= Present c= Future

a.) The past a little more easily understood than the present or future. I can look back and understand events, occurrences, and seasons and determine their relevance within the present...sometimes.

b.) The present is a weird place. Its always changing, shifting, and complicating. It seems like a place that we will never escape, but within a blink of any eye, its gone.

c.) The future is weird too. Its unique in that it is dependent on both the past and present. The future is unique in its uncertainty, whereas the past and present are for the most part certain. There are no regrets like the past, and there are no pains as in the present.


a + b = c

Its the formula for our lives. It continues on and on and on, within one second the formula resets. The values of "a" and "b", and as a result "c", are always adjusting.

This came to mind when I was watching old home movies over the holidays with my family. I saw myself as a baby opening gifts, my brother talking his head off, my sister trying to be mature, my parents at an age that I will soon be approaching, and the images of dead loved ones. It was depressing. I wanted to cry. To think that time is gone and will never come back, that my parents will never be that young again, nor I, just made me want to stop living.

I realized that's the feeling when we obsess over the past. The best is behind us, the living dead. It feels terrible.

Then there is my obsession with the future. Anytime I try and guess or manipulate the "c" value, I just end up falling short to my expectations. When I obsess over the future, I get crazy. I feel as if every action is a reaction that is going to ruin my future. I get depressed, anxious, and stressed.

So I realized there is only one thing to look to; "b". We have to learn to appreciate the "here" and "now. When we don't? We get messed up in the head. This moment now is the only thing that I can affect right now. I have no control over my past, and none over my future as of now. I've just come to the conclusion that the only way to live is to not look both ways when you cross the street. If you obsess over the cars on the right, and the cars on the left, you will never step out into the street, and sidewalks are gay.

So that's my all too long rant for today. And probably the only time I've applied anything from high school algebra.