My Birth.

What’s your earliest memory? Think about it hard. Mine is a surreal image of me in a crib. I remember being distressed about something, and one of my parents coming to the crib, turning on a night light and comforting me. It’s strange. I can picture the events in my memory, but it’s hard to determine if that is truly my “earliest memory”, or some sort of dream, or a mix of the two. I may never know.

What’s even weirder than thinking of out earliest memory, is thinking of what we are unable to remember; our conception, our time in the womb, our exit and our first breath of outside air. All of these moments are unobtainable to our existing memories. However, this lack of capability is overcome by the mid 1980’s video camera.

As I write this, I am watching my first day on earth via VHS video tape. “Seven pounds, three ounces.” The nurse says as she hands my flailing infant self over to my father, who has a full head of hair and looks like a mix of my current self, and my elder brother.

My dad then hands me off to my mother as she holds her third child for the first time. The camera sits idle on a tri-pod exposing every gritty detail of my birth. The cutting of my umbilical cord, my ripened testicles, my puffy red eyelids unable to open, the sound of my strained cries, all captured on this small piece of videotape. My dad continues to shoot photo after photo, as he will throughout the rest of my life. My mother says “hello” to her newest child for the first time…as I sneeze into her face. The camera cuts to a handheld shot. The camera puts into frame my infant self, and my mother holding me, when my father asks “and our son’s name is what?”, “Travis” my mother says. My post-fetal self is now wrapped in a cool blanket. I look like some sort of spawn of E.T. the extra terrestrial. My mother refers to me as “such a cutie”, as she will continue to do so well into my high school years. After a few minutes in the world, I discover the joys of sucking on my thumb, similar oral fixations will continue to present day. Family then shows up. My sister looks on in curiosity and appears anxious to comfort and entertain me. My older brother Brandon begins doing math to determine how old he will be when I am twelve years old, meanwhile asking question after question and my grandfather patiently answers each one of them. The footage then turns fuzzy, and the video continues on through my first year of life on this world.

Watching this tape reveals some sort of weird foreshadowing for all of those people in it. Take my brother Brandon for example: even at six years old, I see him quantifying and crunching numbers, and he begins to determine and calculate his own future. Today, my brother is one of the most calm and calculated planners that I know. I always go to him for advice and perspective, knowing that he can see what I cannot. My sister as well, she can be seen in this video comforting me, unwilling to give me up, while looking at me with confidence and hope that no one else in the world sees.

The actions taken in the past, so easily reflect that of the present. That being said, the footage on this tape that best reflects the present is my own beginning. Watching myself emerge, (from a tasteful vantage point) it almost seems to set the tone to who I am now. I came out scared, cold, and afraid. No direction, no life support, fearing every bit of change within my tiny little world. The only thing I had was a family to hold me, comfort me, feed me, and enable me to grow.

I must admit that it’s difficult seeing a pure version of myself. It’s hard to look at such fragility and purity, and see it displaced with pride, insecurity, and selfishness. However, seeing this once pure “me” also gives me hope, because I know that some day I will be redeemed back into a similar fragile and pure being when Christ returns to redeem this world.

Tuesday - Los Mariachi's.

In Wauseon, you really only have a choice of five sit down restaurants, that aren't owned by multi national corporations. You have Tiffany's Cafe, John Webbers, Smith's Restaurant, The Grasshopper, and Los Mariachi's. Three of these five restaurants are home style cooking, the other two are Mexican restaurants. Tonight I visited the superior Mexican restaurant, Los Mariachi's.

Coincidentally, when I was performing my normal research for this blog I discovered this review on yelp.com:

"Okay, I admit that when I went I was a little hung over. And I admit that I love Mexican food and there's no shortage of that in Phoenix. And I admit that I love Hispanics and there's no shortage of hot ones here in Phoenix. So, all these factors played in on my experience at Los Mariachis. I went there with my mom, and she has been there several times before. I ordered the chicken quesadillas with a side of beans and rice. Very good!! And I'm quite positive that the beans are made from scratch (i.e., not out of a can). What I couldn't eat there was just as good the next day." -Bacon Boy

What was actually weird about this review is that it was written by my cousin who lives in Phoenix, and even he can say that Los Mariachi's is awesome..my cousin also seems to be attracted to Hispanics...learn something new everyday.

The evening was good, I went on the journey with my heterosexual lifemate Jake Richards, who is now newly engaged (shout out!).

I got the Jim Nachos, which is just chicken, rice, and queso. Jake on the other hand consumed a mountain of fajitas that looked like this by the end:

Allow me to quote Ms. Jackie Utzler in regards to this photo: "What ever that Los Mariachi's is, it makes me want to throw up".

Now Ms. Utzler has never eaten Los Mariachi's so I can forgive her for the comment. However, several of you are not Los Mariachi fans because of "the bad service", "the illegal labor", "the lack of english spoken", all are valid complaints, but I dare you to find a place that has Jim Nachos for under $5. I dare you.

So the next time your in Wauseon, stop by Los Mariachi's on Shoop Avenue, bring a English to Spanish Dictionary, and bring your appetite because Los Mariachi's will conquer your stomach for sure.

Tuesday - Frickers.

If there is one thing that Wauseon doesn't have, it's a good place to eat chicken wings. It is for this reason that several times a month, a journey must be made to find chicken wings. The destination of this journey is a little place called Frickers.

Frickers is a sports bar that serves some of the best wings in the area (unless they're burnt...then they're the worst). Not only do they cook up some of the best wings, but on Tuesday nights they are also the cheapest, costing 35 cents per wing. The overall cost of this spectacular meal of 10 chicken wings is only $3.50, assuming you don't splurge for the $2.39 soft drink, and don't include a semi-generous tip for the hard working, yet, scantly clad waitresses. Frickers is a fun break in the week, and every Tuesday becomes a blessing instead of a burden.

This week, Me, Brett, Neuy, Landon, and Montana made this journey to the east to enjoy the wings of Frickers.


We were fortunate that the people of Toledo were not in a self loathing mood to eat chicken wings, so the wait for a table was a minimal 20 minutes. Several of us have waited over an hour for the succulent wings in the past. We got our table, stuffed ourselves, and topped of the evening with Cold Stone. Which is a combination I dare you to top.

If you ever visit Wauseon, I advise you to make the long Journey to Frickers. If their wings don't hook you, the charm of the wood paneled walls certainly will.

Monday - Wal Mart

Today was the beginning of my stay here in Wauseon. I arrived Saturday afternoon, where I spent time with my buddy Neuy and Montana, and Sunday was busy participating with Church stuff. However, I digress to what you all want to hear about; my daily taste of Wauseon culture.

Tonight my good friend Brett joined me in my weekly adventure to the glowing white light in the city of Wauseon; Our very own Wal Mart.

To provide proper context, the vast majority of the citizens of Wauseon are okay with Wal Mart. You won't see protesters outside, you don't see very many "Shop at Wal Mart, China Needs Money" bumper stickers or "Wal*Ocaust" images. Before the city of Wauseon had a Wal Mart, they had a K-Mart. So the arrival of a Wal Mart was exciting for the city because it was like getting a K-Mart 6.0. People like Wal Mart, and Wal Mart likes them back. So it was unanimous that me my loyal companion, Brett Wyse, visit this wonderful place.

The visit to the Wal Mart was glorious needless to say. Aisles and aisles of products as far as the eye can see. We proceeded to the electronics section to discover a $20 blu-ray two pack of "Roadhouse" and "Point Break". At that moment, the Wal Mart tempted me immensely to purchase the double disc of Swayze goodness, despite the fact that I do not own a blu-ray player. The Wal Mart knew my thoughts, but I resisted.

My companion and I then proceeded to the Food section of the Wal Mart. We entered the cookies/snack section, when the tempting of the Wal Mart resumed. This time, I was tempted by none other than Double Stuf Oreos. I tried to fight the pull of Wal Mart, but I gave in. My spirit was willing, but my stomach was weak. And obviously once I had succumbed to buying Oreos, I then had to purchase milk to dip the Oreos. My companion also fell victim to the power of Wal Mart upon the sight of an industrial sized container of JIF, and $5 Indian War DVD. We went to the self check out, where I had to teach Brett how to use the new mystical device, and we departed.

We went back to my house, where I ate an entire sleeve of double stuf Oreos, from which intense self loathing ensued. We then proceeded to watch the Indian War documentary. What a night.


Me, and My Traveling Companion Brett


yes...the whole sleeve.

Lesson of the Week - Welcome Home

Today my grades were posted from this quarter of school, I passed my classes, and am officially graduating college in the next few days. I have not been consistently writing in this blog because of the demands of work and school, but now that I am done with school, I am hoping to a make this at least a weekly to bi-weekly blog. However as you may see from the banner, I am starting a new blog concept.

The "Lesson of the Week" writings were there to offer structure to my blogging, but mostly the were there to show progress in my life at college and in Columbus Ohio. However, I am now moving back to my hometown of Wauseon for a new chapter of my life.

Thus, I want to start writing about being a newly graduated college student living in a small town, looking for a job, and enjoying the local entertainment that I remember fondly as a kid. That is what "Travis Writes" will be writing on next. They will be writings of excitement, boredom, sarcasm, loneliness, fun, all of the emotions that come with a life change.

I am looking foreword to see what is skimmed from my brain and plastered into this blog. It will be a journey, I hope you'll join me.

-Travis

Lesson of the Week - My Pipe.

I recently purchased a tobacco pipe. It's a classic brown and black pipe that smokes pretty good for the comparatively modest price of $30 that I paid. I've found since buying this pipe, that I really enjoy smoking the occasional pipe/cigar/hookah, however the keyword there is “occasional”.

American culture teaches us to not be satisfied with anything. Were told to eat more, to drink more, to buy more, basically were told that the goal of life is to live hoarding as many things as possible in order to die with as many things as possible. I don't buy into this factory sealed logic at all. I believe that there is an art to living, a balance, an order to be obtained. I think the key to living is living a lifestyle of moderation. Everything can be bad in excess, anything can be bad in limitation, but by seeking balance, we can find the art of living.

I believe this idea of limiting ourselves, to better ourselves, is a lost art. Modern advertisers and companies have succeeded at completely strip mining the American consumers of all their needs and are now given no choice but to continue to sell the idea of never being satisfied to keep us coming back to the mall, to the buffet, to the bar, and to the television. I reject this state of our culture. I am pretty young, but I still remember people growing their own fruit, canning it, and storing it in the basement. Those people who remember the simplicity of life and what things are truly necessities.

Basically, when we drink too much we become dependent slobs who throw up on furniture. When we eat too much, we get fat and develop serious health problems. When we watch too much TV, we grow disconnected with the rest of the world.

Back to my tobacco pipe. I bought the pipe and I was super excited to smoke it. I smoked it after leaving “Pipes and Pleasures”, I smoked it while driving, I smoked it before dinner, after dinner, and twice later at a party. Sure enough, the next day my mouth not only tasted like crap, but it felt like crap. I successfully burnt my tongue, the roof of my mouth, and my lower lip, which made eating an aggravating chore. Did I enjoy my pipe in moderation? No. Was it in excess? Yes. Were there consequences? Yes. Will I probably make the same mistake again? Probably. But you get my point.

Lesson Of The Last 4 Months / The Rivalry

Recently two of my peers, named Brian Carr and Adam Schuch, started their own blog called produmption. The concept behind their blog is that each time they drop a log, they drop a blog too. To me, the concept is brilliant. However, they chose not to include me so I'm afraid I'm going to have to get back in the blogging game in order to compete with the men of "Produmption"

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Lesson of the last 4 months.

A lot has happened it 4 months. Plans made and plans broken, relationships grown and relationships destroyed. Time moves fast, but life moves faster.

As humans, I believe we are predisposed to failure. Let's be honest, how often do our plans actually come to fruition? How often are we exactly where we want to be? How often are we content? We shouldn't be surprised or disheartened when our plans fail, rather, we should be surprised when our plans don't fail.

In grade school I was programmed to believe that life goes in this exact order:

(A) --> Graduate High School-->(B) Go to, and graduate, college -->(C) Get a job right away to make that starting salary of $60,000-->(D) Married--->(E)--> Kids-->(F) Death.

We feel our lives are meant to be a linear ascendancy of progress. A goes to B and to C and so on. However, if you've passed step "A" or "B", you've probably realized that life does not work this way. The problem with this equation is that there is no room to factor in for the variable "X". Think of X as the real life variable, reality if you will.

Graduate High School--> Graduate College --> (C)Get A Job--->(X) Get laid off.
(B)Graduate College --> (X) Never get a job
(D)Get Married --> (X) Get Divorced
(E)Kids --> (X) Miscarriage

There are too many variables and outside circumstances to believe that its possible to live a linear life.

I prefer to think of life as walking through a dense forest. There are some trails that you can follow, but you can be mislead down a bad path, you can get lost, you can walk in circle, or you can get mauled by a bear. That's what life is like, were walking and we don't always know where were going, but were all trying to get out of the woods, its just a matter of what paths we choose take to get there.

Am I on the right trail in my life? Am I going to have to do some back tracking? Am I going to get mauled by a bear? I don't know, but I do know that when we find our own way through the forest, we will be stronger, smarter, wiser, and ready to guide others through the dense forest.

The Rivalry / Less of the Last 4 Months

Recently two of my peers, named Brian Carr and Adam Schuch, started their own blog called produmption. The concept behind their blog is that each time they drop a log, they drop a blog too. To me, the concept is brilliant. However, they chose not to include me so I'm afraid I'm going to have to get back in the blogging game in order to compete with the men of "Produmption"

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Lesson of the last 4 months.

A lot has happened it 4 months. Plans made and plans broken, relationships grown and relationships destroyed. Time moves fast, but life moves faster.

As humans, I believe we are predisposed to failure. Let's be honest, how often do our plans actually come to fruition? How often are we exactly where we want to be? How often are we content? We shouldn't be surprised or disheartened when our plans fail, rather, we should be surprised when our plans don't fail.

In grade school I was programmed to believe that life goes in this exact order:

(A) --> Graduate High School-->(B) Go to, and graduate, college -->(C) Get a job right away to make that starting salary of $60,000-->(D) Married--->(E)--> Kids-->(F) Death.

We feel our lives are meant to be a linear ascendancy of progress. A goes to B and to C and so on. However, if you've passed step "A" or "B", you've probably realized that life does not work this way. The problem with this equation is that there is no room to factor in for the variable "X". Think of X as the real life variable, reality if you will.

Graduate High School--> Graduate College --> (C)Get A Job--->(X) Get laid off.
(B)Graduate College --> (X) Never get a job
(D)Get Married --> (X) Get Divorced
(E)Kids --> (X) Miscarriage

There are too many variables and outside circumstances to believe that its possible to live a linear life.

I prefer to think of life as walking through a dense forest. There are some trails that you can follow, but you can be mislead down a bad path, you can get lost, you can walk in circle, or you can get mauled by a bear. That's what life is like, were walking and we don't always know where were going, but were all trying to get out of the woods, its just a matter of what paths we choose take to get there.

Am I on the right trail in my life? Am I going to have to do some back tracking? Am I going to get mauled by a bear? I don't know, but I do know that when we find our own way through the forest, we will be stronger, smarter, wiser, and ready to guide others through the dense forest.

The Summer Resolution

"The Summer Resolution" I made to blog was a good experience. However, I'm now too busy to keep up with the weekly demand. Hopefully in the coming months I will have additional time to paint my thoughts on this digital canvas once more. Right now I have to make sure that I graduate college :)

-Travis

Lesson of the Week: Changes

Change is something that is right in front of our eyes every single day. Change happens slowly, sometimes so slow that we never notice it. What comes to mind is the Discovery Channel's “Planet Earth” where they track the growth of plants with time lapse cameras. With naked glances there is no growth, but with the right perspective, there is a constant change happening.

Change also happens extremely quick, so quick that what once was disappears within the blink of an eye. Think of the footage filmed at the test of nuclear bombs in the 1950's. A house, then a tidal wave of force, and then nothing but rubble. In life what sort of change do we experience? Do we change ever so slowly like a plant growing, or are our lives like nuclear bombs?

I think most of us would agree that change within ourselves is traditionally slow. We grow slow, we mature slow, and we learn slow (some of us more than others, and by “some of us”, I include myself). However, if you examen yourself from who you were a year ago, are you the same person? Change maybe slow at times, but change happens eventually. Then there are those points in our life where a bomb goes off. Everything that once was becomes engulfed in the force of flames. When these sorts of bombs go off in our lives, things change forever. Think of losing a career, think of a car crash, think of a divorce, all are sorts of nuclear bombs that change our lives instantaneously.

I'm currently in a state of slow change. I can see my present circumstances changing all the time. In a way I feel my present life context is like a tube of tooth paste. I'm the paste being squeezed out of my comfort zone (the tube) and am waiting to see if I end up hardening on the porcelain sink, washing down the drain, or being thrown onto a tooth brush...(example of a metaphor taken too far). But what I really hope is happening is a third state of change, the forest fire.

The forest fire is a mix of slow growth change and the nuclear bomb. When a forest fire comes through, it destroys everything it touches. However, though a forest fire decimates, it also leads to new life. Plants grow and thrive in the rubble, and eventually a forest may grow back even taller and stronger over time. Compared to a nuclear bomb that goes off and emits radioactive fallout for years to come, preventing life from thriving for generations.

Ultimately the lesson is to accept that were going to be forced out of our present circumstances one way or another, its just a matter of how, and why. The quicker we learn the answer to “why”, the quicker we'll understand the our circumstances and thrive in our new environment.

Does that make any sense?

Lesson of the Week: Nashville.

Those of you who keep up with my life, know that I have been playing in a band for the last month with an artist named Peti Banfe. I was asked to play guitar for a competition that he had the chance to participate in, the competition was to be in Nashville at a venue named “12th and Porter”, it was hosted by Word Records, and the winner had the chance to get a development record deal with the label, as well as to open for an established Word Records artists' concert following the competition.

Throughout the last month we have prepared for this event. For the competition, we were only allowed to play one song. For most of the month we deliberated on what song to play and we chose one of our songs called “Yahweh”. We practiced, and practiced and practiced. We were ready finally and we were off to Nashville. The drive was easy because we have an extremely nice van with a DVD player that makes driving seem more like entering a time machine. The way the time machine works is you put a DVD in, such as “The Office: Season 1”, and when the DVD turns off, your 3 hours into the future. It's a remarkable way to travel.

We arrived at our hotel, got some food, and got some sleep the night before the competition. I awoke and got breakfast with my parents who were there to enjoy their 31st anniversary in Nashville, as well as see us play. Then 11:00 am came, and we were off to the venue. We unloaded our equipment with our nerves intact. We were the 5th band to play out of about 18 bands. The first 4 bands played and my stomach began to burst with the butterflies of insecurity. I couldn't keep my knees from quivering, my breath from steadying, or my thoughts from running wild with nervous thoughts of what could go wrong. We were then announced that we were the band on deck.

We went towards the back of the venue to tune our instruments. As some of you know I have a bunch of guitar effects pedals, but what you may not know is that the more pedals you have, the more room for failure you have. I went to begin preparing my equipment with the butterflies destroying my insides like a swarm of locust in a field. My equipment was ready to go, my guitar tuned, but my nerves still ruining my insides. I began to play through the song in my head, and dry ran through the song to warm my fingers up. I probably played through the song twice all the way through, and finally I prayed. Not that we would win, I prayed that I would have fun, be able to play my best, and for my nerves to cool. Right then, I could breath again. The butterflies died, and I had more confidence than I have had in a while. The band before us finished and it was our turn to set up. I set up, everything was ready. Guitar tuned, pedals working, power on, amplifier equalized, I was ready.

The song we chose begins with Peti playing an ambient synthesizer sound, then the drums click the beat, and I get ready to hit the first chord in the song, a dissonant A minor. Just as my pick strikes the string SNAP my G-string breaks. The most vital string on my guitar for this particular song. Panic ensues within my head, but I come to the conclusion that I just have to deal with it. I play the verses and per-chorus as well as I can without my most vital string. The pre-chorus builds into a the chorus that cries out into an anthem. Just as I hit the chord to enter into this anthem, SNAP. My A-string breaks. Now I am in trouble. You see, 90% of this song uses those two strings, the G and the A string. This is a pivotal point. We only get to play one song, and my guitar cannot be salvaged. We brought a back-up guitar, but for only one song I didn't believe for a second that I would be in the predicament that I was in. So I run off stage and just start asking other bands for a guitar, any guitar, anything. Just as I am about to dig and find my back up guitar, one of the other bands hands me a guitar. I grab it, and sprint back to the stage, I jump up to the front of the stage, plug in the guitar without tuning it or adjusting anything. I got on stage just in time to hit on of the key parts of the song. The keyboard's strings lead the way into a huge guitar note that I was just able to hit. We go back into the final chorus and end the song.

I was able to recover from some of the worst luck ever, but I still felt like an embarrassing failure for about the few hours following our performance, especially when there was a band fronted by teenage girls who totally out played me. But the band was very forgiving of my misfortune. The band that did end up winning, named “Sons of Day”, had actually been on a label for three years, and were all brothers which means they have been playing for a very very long time. Compared to us who have been together about a month.

However the rest of the night was awesome. I got the chance to hang out in Nashville for the night and got to go all over the city with a good friend and a Nashville local, it was cool.

My final lesson for this week is two fold.

First, expectations will destroy you. When we think we know what, how, when, and why, something is going to happen, were going to fall flat on our face. Because let's be real, nothing ever goes to plan, as a Death Cab For Cutie songs states “Every plan, is a tiny prayer to father time”. We have to learn to set our expectations as loosely as possible, so that when our plans inevitably go haywire, we don't fall flat on our face. As some of you know, I have learned this lesson many times over, which is why I was able to recover from the performance a few hours after.

Second lesson, is the need for humility. We need to learn to be humble in all aspects of life. And when were not? I can guarantee you that there will be an event that you have to eat a giant piece of humble pie, and that pie tastes awful, but it's full of vitamins and essential minerals to survive...ok, ignore my terrible metaphor, but do you know what I mean? We all need to get up on stage with all sorts of expectations, break all of our guitar strings, and try to roll with the punches that we take on the chin in life everyday. That's what I learned in Nashville.

-Trav

Lesson of the Week: How To Survive The Ocean

For most of my life I have been trying to figure out how I operate. I'm always trying to figure how my brain works, what my body is physically capable of, and how I can maximize my potential by doing the least amount of work. Our bodies, and the world that our body is immersed in, are very hard to master. It's sort of like trying to learn how to drive a car, but the car is sinking to the bottom of the ocean. It just always seems like there has to be a better way to navigate the ocean other than a freakin' car.

I believe its fair to say that each and everyone of us wants to master life. We want to navigate the murky waters of life and get as many treasures as we possibly can, in the shortest amount of time, using the smallest amount of effort. The problem with this is that, alone, were unable to do this. I had a high school math teacher that always spoke about life being a game, “and if your good at it, you can win”. Now we are capable of living life this way. We can play the game, get the awesome degree, get the car, get the trophy wife, we are capable of getting all sorts of stuff from the world with hard work, effort, and a bit of luck. However, if your following my metaphor, aren't we all just still sinking to the bottom of the ocean in a car? I suppose you can choose to sink to the bottom in a Mercedes if you want, but what's the difference of sinking to the bottom in Mercedes or a 1989 Dodge Caravan with 250,000 miles? Were still in the ocean, were still sinking, and were still going to drowned or be crushed by the pressure of the ocean.

Now, if your still with me on my metaphor, is there a better way to navigate the oceans of life? Like maybe a submarine?...or the Lamborghini in “Thunderball”? I think so. I think living with God in the ocean is the only way to survive. Its the only way to get back to the surface, to the air we breathe, back to where we belong. Unfortunately, I'm still sinking in the ocean in my 2005 Crystler Seebring with 129,000 miles. But by the grace of God I'm someday going to make it to the surface in some sort of vessel, and I'll get to take my first breath of real air. Someday.

Lesson of the Week: Riddled With Imperfection

Whether we choose to admit it or not, each of us are highly imperfect. I am no where near being "perfect", let alone deserving of the title " a decent human being". I am selfish, defiant, and narcissistic, more than I would ever care to know. The odd thing is that I believe in Jesus, who is the only person to walk this earth and be blameless in the demanding eyes of perfection. He is not selfish, defiant, or narcissistic. And I have the chance, through grace, to be blameless for my imperfections. The concept makes no sense.

This weekend I was talking with a friend about a member of a christian band who's faith has been called into question. This issue has risen because one of the members of the band smokes, or smoked, marijuana. Lately they have been accused of not being real Christians, playing the "Creed" card, if you will. However, my friend's response really encapsulates how I believe we are to view our mistakes in the light of claiming we belong to a perfect God.

My friends response is as follows; "It's total bullcrap. The fact that he admits that he has an ongoing issue with drugs, and that he states that he is trying to get off the stuff, is how you know he's a christian!"

Now I am not saying that admitting sin, yet,continually sinning, is what makes one a true christian. However, admitting our faults and sins to one another in hopes that they may help us fight against our own selfish desires is what God wants from us. Another friend always says that "once we put our faith in Christ the punishment from sin is gone, however, the power of sin remains. And though that power is still there, with the help of God and fellow brothers and sisters, that grip can slowly be loosened." (err something like that :) That's what living as an imperfect person, yet belonging to a perfect God is all about.

I guess my point in this scatterbrained blog is that I am always going to be a screw up. But I don't believe for a second that I will be defined by my imperfections, because of the freedom I have in Christ. The only way I want to be defined is how I love God, people, and the world. That's what I learned this week.

Lesson of the Week: Nostalgia

I've enjoyed writing in this blog throughout the summer, though not all of my writings have been very substantive. To help me continue to write through the school year, I'm going to start doing "Lesson of the Week". Hopefully this will make my writing more consistent, and more interesting.

Lesson of the Week:

Often times I fall victim to feelings of nostalgia. I do it all the time, when I hear a song, or when I catch up with a friend, I begin to heavily focus on the past. For me these feelings are very difficult to deal with, especially when trying to discern whether the feelings are constructive or not. In my life there seems to be two types of nostalgia, healthy nostalgia, and destructive nostalgia. I believe that there is a distinct contrast between the two.

Healthy nostalgia is the sort of nostalgia that occurs when talking with an old friend. When we reflect on the past, we laugh, we talk, and we ask about what is happening in each others present affairs. Healthy nostalgia acts as a bridge between others, its a shared experience that can help build a present relationship. Destructive nostalgia is very different. Destructive looks upon the past as the end all and best of experiences. Destructive does not enhance our present context, as does healthy nostalgia, rather it destroys our present context, and it makes us covet our past selves.

This is a distinction that I realized when I watched an episode of “Penn & Teller: BULLSHIT!”. Their point was that overly nostalgic thoughts distort the past into our idealized version, and are a reflection of one's present unhappy circumstances. Looking into our past too much will destroy our present and we'll never be happy because we'll always want to go back to that place that only exists in our heads. I could wallow in past experiences for the rest of my life, constantly wishing I was somewhere else. Or I can take initiative and create new nostalgia with new experiences with other people. That's what I learned this week.

-Trav

I.O.Me

I slacked off for a week and now I have to write two blogs before August 31st to keep up with my summer resolution.

Well summer is winding down, only 3.5 more weeks and were back in the swing of things at Ohio State. However, between now and then there are a lot of things to happen, to finish, and to do.

1.) To finish - I have to finish my current internship at the student union. This will look like it
has for most of the summer, except when it's finished I'm back to my manual
labor job at the student union.

2.) To Happen 1 - I have the chance to play in a competition in Nashville with Peti Banfe, a
local Columbus artist. Were playing on September 19th, and I'm excited to
spend the weekend in Nashville.

To Happen 2 - There is always one time of the year that puts a smile on my face, The
Fulton County Fair. This is like a family reunion, I get to see people that I
never get to see at any other time. I always look foreword to seeing friends
from years ago.

3.) To do - I graduate in mid March of 2010 which is mere months away. I have to figure out
what I'm going to do after I graduate, it's nerve wrecking, but God has given me some
very good options, it's just a matter of which is the right one.

Well see how these events shape up in the next few weeks.

What's Next?

Exactly one week ago, I confirmed that I would be graduating from Ohio State one quarter earlier than expected. With a bachelors degree in Communication Technologies, as society would have it, I'm ready for a career, a wife, kids, grand kids, and death. What has sort of thrown me off is I never intended on graduating early. I planned on graduating in June, or maybe even in December of 2010, however, I will be graduating in March of 2010. Thus, 6 months from now I will be entering this so-called, “real world”.

I'm not sure how to deal with this new expectation. I have no plans for graduate school or a set career. Fortunately or unfortunately, I will have degree in Communication which is about as unspecified as it gets, so getting out there and getting experience is the next step, but I feel overwhelmed. Am I cut out to function in the professional world? Will I ever be happy with a job? These sorts of questions stress me out all the time. Although I don't know what my next step in life will be, I do know that I want to have a memorable experience before I enter the real world. A stutter-step before I put my best foot foreword. The cliché, is doing the backpacking through Europe. Something like that, or a trip out west, I don't know, but something cool before I have to learn how to tie a tie

What still confuses me is why I'm supposed to graduate early. To be honest, I have no idea how I'm able to graduate earlier than expected, so it's just sort of come as a shock to me. But I'm really hoping that God has something on the horizon for me either for a career, or something to do prior to my career that would be a memorable experience.

As stated in a couple of blogs ago, I'm submitting and waiting to what God might have for me in the future. A quote from “Mad Men” goes “I know you want everything the minute you want it, but sometimes its better to wait.” I don't know if I'm am ready to receive what ever is in store for me, or if I'm still in the waiting process. I'm trying to open to both.

Running Man.

I have recently become some what of a runner. I charge up my iPod, make a playlist, throw on my head band, lace up my shoes, and I'm off. Surprisingly I'm rather proud of my progress that I have made thus far, but it doesn't always come easy. I have a friend who chooses not to believe that life is like running a marathon, in some part I agree, but for this blog I'm going to disagree.

Here are just a few connections that I have made with running and life.

Goals-
When I run, I am obsessed with seeing how far I can go. I set a goal, and I try as hard as I can to reach that goal. The funny thing is, the goal is completely arbitrary. The goal is there to trick my brain into giving me the energy and will to make it that distance. I have no idea how far that goal is, or if the distance to that goal is significant at all, its just the goal, the light at the end of the tunnel.

This is sort of like my college life for me. I am in college simply because I told myself "I want a college degree", what for? I have no idea, but it was a goal, a distance to run. Now the interesting thing will be to look back. Because after I run, I always look on Google Maps to examine the significance of my running goal I set for myself, and to measure how far I ran. It will be interesting to look back on my days in college and see if the goal of getting a college degree from Ohio State is significant.

Rest-
There are times when I run when I just have to stop. Every part of me aches, my head swims, the sweat bleeds off my skin, and my lungs start to play catch-up.

There are times in life when we just need to stop. We have to let ourselves recuperate so that we can continue to run towards our goal. One might feel like a failure or lazy when they take a break, but if you don't, you'll never make it to the end.

Death-
When I run into traffic, there could be a car that runs a red light and kills me. That's sort of where the metaphor breaks down. However my point is, shit happens.

Walls-
When I run, I hit these barriers. My muscles tense up, my lungs breathe heavy, and my head begins to swim. I call these walls. They just sort of come randomly, but you can't stop when you hit them, you just have to keep on running. It sucks, it's hard, it's painful, but you just have to keep on running in order to break through them.

This is so much like life. We just enter these times in our lives when life just sucks. Problems and issues pile up on us and they cause us to want to stop running and give up. However, when I've entered such times, the only answer is to press on work through the pain and strain to try and come out the other side.

That's the cool thing about hitting walls. While it sucks to hit a wall and have to power through it, once you break through, your renewed and can run further and faster than before.


So there are my running analogies.

Who's Will?

Editor's Note:
This blog was written over my two weeks off in my prayer journal, while at Miami International Airport. You may notice a lot of ranting and frustration because that's what I was feeling at that moment. The interesting thing with journals/blogs is that it seals a moment in time. To go back and read what I've written is always weird and is sometimes frustrating. Nevertheless, I feel a duty to keep the same emotion that I felt in that moment, even though right now I feel rather separated from the following words.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"It's God's will", "I feel God wants me to do this". As a christian, these are statements that I hear all the time from other Christians. They have become over used expressions that often times really mean "My Will", "I feel like doing this", and "My will be done...Amen." We can so easily deceive ourselves and others by throwing the "G" word into how we formulate decisions, we often use God as justification for the things that we want to do, not what were lead to do.

That being said, I will be the first to say that I don't hear a clear direction from God for all of my decisions in my life. Sometimes I do, and those are cool moments, but very often God's direction can feel very ambiguous. When that's the case, I consult other God fearing people that I trust and consider their advice, then I make a decision based upon my logic and limited wisdom that God has given me.

Was my final decision God's will? Did I feel like I chose what God would have me choose in His will? The truthful answers, depending on the circumstances, are "maybe", and "I have no idea". Most times I don't know if my choice was within the realm of God's will. However, I firmly believe that its okay for that to be the final verdict on the decision at hand. I believe its okay to say "I think", "Maybe", and "I don't know" when determining whether a decision was God's will or not. I even believe its okay to say "I decided" or "I thought it through" when were not offered a distinct direction from God. God gives us trustful people in our lives, he gives us logic, and he gives us wisdom. There's no shame in using these things. When we begin to drop the "G" word for all our decisions, when God really didn't give a clear and concise direction, then God's voice begins to lose its significance.

Here's my problem though. When I really do feel God's giving me a clear direction on a decision, it's not the direction that I want to go. God seems to speak to me directly when he's directing me to a place that I don't want to go. It's a kick in the balls I assure you. Right now I'm wrestling with a question that I asked God where he gave me a clear answer, but not the one that I wanted to hear. I'm crossing my fingers that I'm a masochistic schizophrenic who hears voices that influence him. But if I'm not, and God did answer my question directly, then I have no choice but to obey. It's just pathetic because I have cried out to God and asked "God please speak to me, be straight foreword with me!", but when he is, I don't like what I hear.

Like I said, I'm wrestling with the decision. Jonah also had similar issues. He had a clear direction from God, but he chose to deliberately disobey God. Eventually, God lead him to Ninevah (thanks Wiki), where he spoke truth and the people listened, but he had to go through a whale first. I suppose I can only operate under the knowledge I have now, and God has given me some direction. I guess if I did choose to disobey, God would have some sort of Whale to swallow me and spit me out so I can eventually serve my purpose, but I don't want to go through that. It's just hard to surrender my will, to God's will. It sucks.

-Trav

On Vacation.

I feel that I reserve the right to ignore my summer resolution to blog once a week during my two weeks away. So that's what I'm going to do!...unless I get bored.

-Trav

It's time to go.

I'm at my job where I should not be blogging, but it's that time right after lunch where you have absolutely no motivation to do anything, especially after a fantastic lunch nap (which I had). But it's time to get out of the city. For the next two weeks I'm going to be all over the place and it couldn't come at a moment too soon.

A week in my childhood church camp playing music with good friends, then I'm off to the Dominican Republic for the third time to serve in whatever capacity I'm able. I can't wait. It's going to be like living my high school era of no responsibility.

Of course the worst part is going to be coming back to this place. Dealing with rent, bills, roommate issues, all of it. Problems don't disappear, not when were under the influence of alcohol or vacation. Life just gets put on hold, then you have to hit the ground running, which I'm not looking foreword to. However, the next two weeks should be a blast. I can't wait to escape, if only for a short time.

-Trav